


Pickles

by PlatinumSky



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlatinumSky/pseuds/PlatinumSky
Summary: Commander Shepard in looking for a midnight snack. Hi jinks ensue.(Christmas gift fic 2017)





	Pickles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [0rigo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/0rigo/gifts).



It was a quiet night on the SR-2, which wasn't something that happened very often, considering the current Reaper invasion. The ship was docked in Bay D24 of the Citadel, and Commander Shepard had nothing to do. It was late, and she found herself unable to fall asleep. On top of that, she was also craving a salty snack. It was then that she remembered the jar of pickles down in the galley's refrigerator. 

She took the elevator down to deck 3. The halls were eerily quiet as she headed towards the fridge. She opened the door, the holy light inside the fridge turned on as she spotted her prize. She pulled out the jar of pickles, and twisted the lid 

... But it didn't open. 

She twisted again, and again. She cursed under her breath as the lid stubbornly refused to budge. 

Her first instinct was to put the jar back, and pretend this whole incident never happened. But she really wanted those pickles. She swallowed her pride and walked down the hall towards the main battery, and her boyfriend. 

The door opened, and Garrus was at the controls, calibrating the big gun. 

"Garrus?" Shepard spoke up. 

"What is it, Shepard?" Garrus said, his voice weary from staying up all night. "Is it important? I'm in the middle of some calibrations." 

"You're always in the middle of some calibrations." She said. "I need you to do me a secret favor." 

"Oh?" The subvocals in his voice indicated that Shepard had piqued his interest. He turned around expecting a sexy surprise, only to find Shepard holding a jar of pickles. Garrus looked at her in disbelief. "I'm not really sure what you're getting at here, but I'm game." 

"What? No!" Shepard said, wanting never to find out what Garrus thought she was asking. "I need you to open this jar for me." 

"Seriously, Shepard?" Garrus sighed and grabbed the jar, twisting the lid. But it didn't open. He twisted again. But it didn't open. This went on for several minutes before Garrus reached for his pistol. 

"Garrus! No!" Shepard yelled, pulling the jar from his hands. 

"Did you want me to open it or not?!?" 

"The lid, Garrus. I want the lid open. Not the jar shattered." She scolded. 

"Fine..." Garrus said, his temper cooling. He put this gun back down. "Maybe Liara could help." 

"Biotics! Great idea!" Shepard said. The two of them fast walked to Liara's quarters. Upon arrival, the both proceeded to knock loudly in unison. 

"By the goddess..." They heard Liara mumble. A few seconds later, the door opened, revealing a very tired Liara. "What's so important that you had to walks me this late at night?" She asked right before having a jar of pickles shoved into her personal space. 

A few minutes later, a very angry Liara was using her biotic powers on a jar of pickles. A few minutes after that, a very, very angry Liara was cursing loudly because a jar of pickles was seemingly immune to her biotic powers. One singularity later, the jar of pickles was flying haphazardly around the room. The bulkheads were creaking uncomfortably, and several of Liara's monitors had shattered. Not wanting to eat pickles off of Liara's floor, Shepard grabbed the jar out of midair. 

"Maybe EDI?" Shepard suggested. The group agreed, and they ran towards the bridge of the ship. When they arrived, they only found Joker. 

"EDI? She had to take her body offline for maintenance." Joker said. "Anything I can help with?" Shepard, Garrus, and Liara each had increasingly gruesome images of Joker's bones snapping as he tried to open the jar. 

"N...no. That's okay." Shepard said. "We can handle this." The group backed out of the room, slowly. 

Heading to the A.I. core, the group was determined to reactivate EDI, because Shepard wanted her pickles, and everyone was pissed off. They opened the door to the medical bay, where Dr. Chakwas was at her desk, reading. The group ran past her, into the A.I. core, where EDI's currently vacated body was lying at the end of the room. 

"Is there something I can help you with?" EDI's voice asked from the walls of the room. 

"We were hoping you could help open this jar of pickles." Shepard said, holding up the jar. 

"A jar of pickles?" EDI asked inquisitively. 

"It's been a long night." Liara said. "Can you help? Preferably without asking questions." The embarrassment in her voice was apparent. 

"Unfortunately, I cannot. My body will be offline for the next 12 hours." EDI said. The group was disheartened. 

"I guess we'll just wait until morning." Garrus said, dejected. They left the A.I. core, their heads low. 

"Would you mind telling me what all this is about?" Chakwas said, spinning around in her chair. 

"Well..." Shepard said, walking towards Chakwas, holding the jar of pickles, which had now become a symbol of their humiliation. "We really just wanted to get this jar of pickles opened, and..." 

Shepard was interrupted, as Chakwas reached out with one hand, and with a satisfying *pop,* opened the jar of pickles. Shepard looked down in disbelief, as a smug Chakwas spun wordlessly in her chair, and went back to her book. 

"By the Goddess." Liara explained, putting her hand against her forehead in exasperation. 

"Well... we probably loosened it." Garrus said, offering the only possible explanation he could think of. 

"Probably..." Shepard mumbled, before the group left the medical bay, and quietly dispersed, never to discuss what had just happened again.

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas to 0rigo ^^


End file.
